Chess Funny - Wife and chess

A bloke comes into the chess club looking very depressed. His mate says "What's up, Steve? You look terrible". Steve says "It's bad news, Pete. My girlfriend says she's tired of all the money I spend on chess books and chess software and how she's sick of all the time I spend at the club. She says if I play in the blitz tournament tomorrow she's going to kick me out!"
Pete says "Bloody hell mate, what are you going to do?"
Steve says "Open with e4, like usual".